Stop Expecting Too Much From Them

Sometimes we don't realize we're doing it. We just know we feel disappointed, confused, or hurt. But often the issue isn't that we're asking for too much – it's that we're often expecting too much.

I recently watched an Instagram reel of model-actress, Nazanin Mandi, who exposed this truth when she said: "People rarely meet you where you hope they will; they meet you where they are capable."

She went on to say, "What someone offers you is hardly ever a reflection of your worth."  When I heard her words, I reflected on them for a moment because the truth is, I've understood this most of my life.

Because this truth revealed itself to me at such a young age, it quietly guided me and, in many ways, protected me throughout my life.

I'm not saying I've always made the best decisions when it came to relationships, but I believe it was Godly discernment, observation, and simply paying attention to the people around me that revealed this idea. Some might call it a jaded perspective. But what I do know is that I learned early on not to build expectations for people based on what I hoped they would be — only on what they had shown themselves to be.

Disappointment, in a sense, was something I expected rather than something that surprised me.

And because of that, I rarely placed unrealistic expectations on people. I never assumed someone would respond the way I would, care the way I would, or show up in the way I naturally would.

That understanding created a kind of emotional boundary long before I even had the language to describe it.

Let me explain...

1. Expecting emotional depth

Have you ever shared something vulnerable and meaningful? Me too!

The response you get is surface-level, dismissive, or quickly redirected.

Not because what you shared didn’t matter, but because the person simply didn't have the emotional depth to sit in that space with you.

2. Expecting accountability

Have you every tried to have a healthy conversation about something that hurt you? Me too!

Instead of reflection, you get defensiveness.

The conversation becomes about how you're “too sensitive” or “misunderstood them.”

Accountability requires emotional maturity, and not everyone has developed it.

3. Expecting support

Have you ever shared good news or something you're proud of? Me too!

Instead of celebration, the response feels indifferent or competitive.

Sometimes people can't celebrate you because they are still measuring themselves; sometimes even measuring themselves against you!

Siblings. Cousins. Besties. Friends. Co-workers. Spouses. Loved-ones. Your church family. Your boss. Your own parents.

But shouldn't we have expectations of these important people in our lives? Of course! These are the relationships that should foster safety, honesty, and trust. But, why then are these the same people that we keep getting hurt and disappointed by? 

The problem is more often than not, that the expectation itself isn’t unreasonable. The mistake is expecting it from someone who doesn’t have the emotional capacity to meet it.

You can call it "Relational Intelligence" or "Emotional Intelligence." Regardless, it isn’t lowering your expectations. It’s recognizing who actually has the capacity to meet them.

The truth is, people will always meet you from the level they’ve reached within themselves. Some people will meet you with depth, empathy, and understanding.

Others will meet you with limitations they may not even recognize.

And once you understand that difference, you stop questioning your worth and start honoring your [gut] discernment and start "Protecting Your Peace" [my shameless plug to one of my previous blog articles].

If this reflection resonated with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Have you ever realized someone simply didn’t have the capacity to meet you where you were?

Women who move through life with discernment and self-awareness understand something powerful: protecting your peace is part of living with intention.

And that’s exactly the kind of woman I design for at Sunni Dineen Handcrafted Design.